The Cliche of Anger

I am tired, in massive pain, and yet I still am riding on the waves of fulfillment. I worked an entire week straight. I am taking a few more days to get back to my standard however, and reminded myself why I do not work in a traditional manner. I would have been fired today for being unable to wear standard clothing for one, and my attitude for another. Every action I take, every interaction I am bogged down by references to the past, lessons, and reminders. I hear my mother’s voice most clearly, and that is not something I welcome. I want to be an individual not the product of my family.

I wasn’t going to post until tomorrow but I was reading a few pages over at Womanist Musings. The proprietor of Womanist Musings has recently outed herself as being amid the disabled. She is beginning to run into the challenges of being suddenly unwelcome, invisible, and at times hated for merely existing. Today one of the commenters told her that she should start a civil rights movement, ignoring the fact that the disabled community has been pulling for equal rights for as long as other civil rights movements have been in effect. Before we go on, I want to remind you my dear reader that every single civil rights movement hasn’t ended, and that the fight for equality is on going no matter what your ism is. This reader seemed to think that a few protests fix everything.

This ignores the protests in New York, the individuals who do sacrifice their energy and at times sanity to try and force businesses to comply with the laws, and it ignores the fact that there are those who came before you and I. This is an erasure of our history. I responded with snideness and sarcasm, ignoring for the few moments it took to suggest a hacksaw so she could remove her legs as “easily” as I can get off of my scooter, the voice of my mother. “All disabled people are angry, they think they have rights.” I am aware that it is the events of today that shape the memories that seem to nitpick at us. Before I was disabled my sexuality was most often the harbinger of a Mommy Memory. “Bisexuals are selfish, they just want to have sex with as many people as possible.” Every time I went to flirt with a woman or a man, I heard something like that.

The myth of anger is just that, a myth. It erases the happy moments with friends and family, it erases the moments where competent and open minded people realize that everyone has rights. The myth of anger is often used to subjugate. Stop being angry, so that I can continue to oppress you. That is what I hear. The expectation that an entire group of people must never feel one emotion is ridiculous yet this is foisted on women of color, the disabled, homosexuals, and countless other oppressed groups, all to control us. Anger is forbidden.

Many times when I am smiling, I am told, “This inaccessible area will be fixed soon, we swear!” The tone is always frantic, that hint of “Oh god she will be mad that we haven’t done this yet.” It doesn’t matter that I am smiling and just nod and say, “Great, thanks for letting me know.” The fear of my anger, which is some how more toxic than their anger or fear is there. I still don’t understand it, but, I see this often. The times when I am angry, I am also not heard. It’s enough for me to want to go back to trying to be Super Cripple, but, I won’t do that.

My anger is valid. Your anger is valid. Anger is not a reason to oppress, discriminate, or subjugate. Anger is not an excuse to not build the ramp in an accessible manner, and anger is not an excuse to try to “just get rid of” someone. I am tired today, and I am trying to seem reasonable. My mind is far from reasonable. I am in truth alone, and am having a small tantrum every time I need to get up to move. My fiance forgot to feed the cats, which merited an hour of sitting there whining about how I wasn’t sure if I could do it, I can’t bend, and their bowls are on the floor.

It wasn’t anger that had me make a really big mess trying to feed them either. That was love. They were hungry so I fed them, without bending. (Sorry honey, but the kitties have to eat too!) It won’t be anger that I let him know he forgot either, but amusement. Every emotion that I have is not anger. The lessons that our parents teach us, may shape what we see but it is the choice that I made in my first experience with disability as an adult that showed me otherwise. I chose to not see anger.

It’s really that simple. Demeaning an entire group of people does cause anger. If you fear our anger so much, stop discriminating. If you come near me right this second and discriminate I will show you anger, but I won’t run you down with my scooter. That’d hurt me too, and you just aren’t worth my time or pain.

To my friends, allies, and fellow disabled persons, don’t forget that every moment that we are alive is the revolution for our people. Every time we are seen out of our homes, with our assistance equipment, service animals, and even having issues, this is our revolution. VIVA LA REVOLUCION! Free my people!

Cross Posted on Womanist Musings

Renee, the wonderful creator and writer for my favorite blog about Female Rights has an open blog policy. This means she helps the smaller blogs out, raises some of us out of obscurity and gives us a chance to find interest with some of her readers.

Not only is this really really really cool, and something that if I ever have the chance to do, I will mirror in order to pay it forward, but today the first post I wrote, about self advocacy has been shared. I chose to hand over that post because it simply works for other forms of discrimination.

I doubt any person is discriminated against over just one facet of what makes them a person. Any person might need to self advocate or negotiate.

Here is the link to the posting

Womanist Musings

I have been posting on Renee’s Blog Womanist Musings for a few days. I started to reply yet again to yet another hateful comment, and instead felt I should post my comment here. It is very long, and, this opinion deserves to be spread around. This is a link to the post that sparked this comment.

I would love for the ism flinging to stop. It hurts me in my heart. I am sensitive, and often that is overlooked when I advocate. Each person has emotions connected with the hot topics that we fight for. They are hot because our passions burn inside of us.

I too would love for everyone to stand up/roll up together to fight for causes that are not related to our own passions. I believe this would indeed give great strength to the movements. That is also a Utopian ideal that would prove the isms were truly dead. It is not happening with in my life time, though I will dream for it.

I also wish for people to acknowledge the overlap of isms. This is why people get upset with blanket appropriations. Someone posted in these threads that everyone has the same response to being oppressed. This is a lie. Some people shut down, others become angry, still more become violent. There are infinite reactions, feelings, and responses to the isms in the world.

I am disabled. I face ablism whenever I go outside. I face it when I pay my rent. I am a woman. I face sexism just as often. Sexism hurts less emotionally but not in the reality of society. I would not however compare a wheelchair user’s challenges with those of a white woman who has working legs.

I am a Bisexual. I face sexual discrimination when I go on dates with women. I have at this time found a man who fits my ideals, but, I never expected to do so. I spent most of my adult life self identifying as a Lesbian. Some GBLT might see my falling for a man as a violation of the cause, some might see a person like me who has one male attachment and a thousand female as an underminer to the cause. My own happiness doesn’t matter in that aspect.

I face other isms, each of us likely does. Race is an ism I face from the side of a white woman. I am often scoffed at and told to stop being nice to people, because the (racist word for a POC here) do not deserve it. I get this response from the Hispanic persons in my area not just the white.

When we attack people for having different perspectives we weaken our causes. When we try and deny that a POC can be GBLT, disabled, or have any issues beyond race, I get angry and I am not a POC. When we, the we in these statements being GBLT activists, ignore any subculture within our cultures we negate all of the work done to try and raise awareness with in our group. We are not mindless borg, we are each individual humans with different goals and expectations from the movement.

This is why I find it distasteful to use blanket appropriations. I cried earlier when reading this post, because we would never accept appropriation as white people. We appropriate and it looks like we want “Pain Cred”. This goes further, poisoning the movement by devaluing the actual experience that every member has had.

Why not post a picture of one of the gays who was curb stomped in the bigger cities? Why not post a picture of the newly forced divorcees? There are a thousand non stolen pain filled images. IF you want a shocking image, try and find an image of a mixed race couple, with one disabled, both women or men, and try and show them as they truly are. Show their challenges, and show their potential for happiness.

Too often the GBLT loses sight of the fact that there is more than MY own desire for activism. At times instead of sorrow, happiness is more effective in the quest for equality. Happiness is a universal emotion, and is often the main reason activists continue on.