Long Term Side Effects

I am trying to go on with life, so I must post. Yesterday I found out that my cholesterol count doubled in the last year. I was healthy last January. That was the last time I had made it in to the doctor, before the world surrendered to the darkness and the pustules of humanity took over. It turns out that eating cheese for an entire year and nothing else is bad. I knew this, and I expected bad numbers but that doesn’t make this less scary.

My genetics predispose me to everything. My biological father died from HEART DISEASE. I must be healthy, for me. My sugars are high. I am sugar resistant. This leads to diabetes, and causes very similar risks and issues leading up to it. Finally I have an answer for why my eyes just won’t focus on that piece of paper, or why my feet are always a little blue. Finally. My grandfather died from Diabetes. I do not want to end up with Diabetes. Sometimes my only goal for the day is to earn that brownie.

Now I actually do eat rather healthy when I can, but like all humans sometimes I don’t. Going over the list of approved, safe foods with my doctor we did look at the fact that I just can’t cut back on enough fats with my medically necessary diet. I am on a waiting list to see a nutritionist but I am being proactive today.I am also grateful that aside from palpitations related to PTSD and Panic Attacks, I haven’t had chest pains.That means I am lucky.

Being proactive means Low Fat Food. This means I no longer can revel in the tasty yoghurt. I may have to give it up since lowfat yoghurt makes me sick. That part goes to the dietician to discuss. Today I bought 1% Skim Milk. I am scared though, that was all I could change. I mean yeah I am changing my cheese, but I still eat a lot of it. I now am a Mozerella girl, and I do love my super fatty Cheddar. I can’t afford more fruits yet, so I am considering growing some in my house. Maybe I can set up a small garden but will the cats eat it? (Yes, William Shakespurr will. He is part goat I swear).

I no longer drink Soda. That was also something I was allowed, cheese and soda together are really nasty for your body. My cholesterol, the bad, is over 300. The good is 24. I feel like I have a time bomb in my blood. I wonder if a vampire prefers someone with lots of fat in their blood or if they prefer the lowfat girls like in the movies. I bet people with bad cholesterol taste better.

I am looking forward to finding out if skim milk, despite it’s lack of flavor, sits better in my stomach. I will miss the eggnog annually, I will miss cheddar, but maybe if I get everything under control I can periodically have a serving. I already try to measure out my food so I don’t over eat, partly so I can eat. I already avoid most of the super dangerous stuff. I just can’t have a few of the snack foods I enjoy.

I am not sure how I could survive being diabetic. I can’t eat so many things, so that is what scares me most. These are the long term side effects of surviving. I will get everything back to a healthy level.

Being Suicidal (Trigger Warning)

Before I share my writing today I am giving a bit of a prologue. This is serious, and this post is a long time coming. My scooter is repared thanks to your support, and that is one of the better things. I have a full time caregiver who is fantastic, and I am working on getting better.I will write about the good stuff soon.

Please read more, I am covering this due to the serious trigger warning. I don’t do that often.

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