Make New Memories, Remember the Old!

Thanks to everyone here who helped me either via moral support or in other ways, things are stable for now. The sudden increases in price and the borax poisoning have me apartment hunting but this is going pretty well. I was given some tips on how to fast forward my Section 8 application. Doctor’s note about the need to move and I should be okay. My anthrax resurgence was minor, it went away really quickly, and even Sprite is improving.

I wanted to make sure I said that first before getting into the nitty gritty memory stuff. I don’t think this post needs a trigger warning at this point but if I am wrong and you are triggered, as always tell me and I will mark it.

Amid the help has been toys. Yes, toys. I found wonderful things, from completing my Monster High collection (for where I want to be) and getting the fanciest Barbie in Jeans of all things, on through zoobles. If you don’t know what zoobles are they are female marketed Bakugan. If that isn’t clear, think Pokemon and popples (or carebears) having bastard children. Cute, cute bastard children.

Note: For those with hearing difficulties the words she says do not matter just look at the toy and what she shows it doing. This is one of the zoobles I own.

I don’t know what it is about the positive memories but they are much harder to dig out than a weed in my garden or a bad memory. I think it is the rarity perhaps? The sheer amount of things burying them that is bad is often overwhelming and the pay off has not been worth it before. Maybe its just time, but I think actively playing has given me more happy in my regular time, despite stress. Stress is a part of life for all of us no matter what we do and I think more adults should play.

Last night as I lay in bed rolling the zoobles across the bed and watching Sylvani swat them back my way, one popped up. Catlin, a feline zooble, has the same colorings as the popple from my childhood. It was dark, I could barely see as I had no power again. Shortly after I managed to sleep. I had not slept for three days, something that had me upset. I dreamed about my BunBun, the antique plush rabbit and Pretty Bit the Popple.

It took me a very short time, once I remembered what she was and what I used to do with her to google and find out what she was called and if they have remade her. New Popples aren’t so nice. So I will try to get a cheaper apartment so I can find a Pretty Bit popple on ebay sometime.

I used to use her storage pocket for food I snuck to bed, I used to use her and Bunbun for secrets. She was taken away because of the food. I wasn’t eating enough then and it turns out i am not now.

The doctor’s ordered caloric calculations has brought out a number that is far too low. I need to eat more, which means moving for that too. The most I eat in a day is 11oo calories. The least? 750. Which is brain self devouring level. I obviously cannot cut anything out, and this includes my Soda which has replaced water. I have doubled how much I eat over the last year as well! Needlessly, I am shocked by the number and am going to try to eat even more. I struggle with this but I think gardening and growing my own food will help. More pay off maybe?

I tried to eat beef again. My fingers are so stiff and I think the beef triggered my insomnia. I realized, after sleeping, I haven’t had this much issue with sleep both getting and staying there, since I quit beef. It was an experiment. I threw away left overs out of self preservation. I didn’t buy more, I still have frozen meat in my freezer.

Finally, I am taking a risk here and I am publicly declaring something I maybe shouldn’t. The casemanager who once helped me get settled and back on my feet no longer works with me as she has not been doing her job. Not only have I reached a point of self sufficiency but, I have found her gossiping about her other clients and myself disheartening. There was another incident but I am flying solo now. I won’t say more here out of respect for her but I will say this, she violated several federal laws and I expect she will end up in prison. I am just happy to be progressing to a point where I am possibly going to work again.

I do think she may have made things worse with the Failgiving agency that I am leaving. Medicaid is being very slow about the transfer but it is of course time for the new budgets, so everything slows down. Its normal, so right after the Government gets on the point with budgeting we’ll be golden and I will be transferred.

I may be moving to another state but I will not move to Wisconsin. Georgia is on my shitlist too. Wisconsin is far worse of course, because they are undermining education. I believe in 10 years, barring a civil war (I believe that will happen first) New Mexico will no longer be the worst in education consistently. Wisconsin will boot us up a few spaces on the failing our children and failing the future of the US stats.

So, that is stuff here.

More fun stuff, due to being able to eat (Thank you again!) I invested a little in some plants, and I now have portable Blue and Raspberry bushes as well as Strawberries and Garlic. One of my small rosebushes I had left to die because I couldn’t do the gardening is still alive, as well. I am pleased to say I have no idea what color it is. If it made it through winter, it deserves care though.

I am going to try and prune the tree and in ground rosebush before the end of the month too. They really need the TLC. Maybe I can even get my windchime down. The tree grew into it but I think the branch died.

Things are back to normal again. I am surprised at how quickly, but I used my resources. I am trying to help other people as well with some negative situations and I think I know what to do with the 10 pounds of ground beef I cannot eat. Homeless shelter may be able to take it.


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