Fury is Furious

I am trying to find a $600 dollar RV. The US government shut down will cut off my medication, food, and rent. With my landlord’s ever growing hostility and their case manager already trying to steal my drugs, I am feeling that growing terror in my chest, it says run. RUN.

I will know by Friday the 4th if I am homeless again. If anyone can magic wand me a running RV, though, that’d be fantastic. I don’t know how I’ll get in or around in it, the wheelchair accessible ones don’t come for 600. I do know I’d at least have shelter, and that is something. Plus if I own it, then, no rent after registration fees and insurance. Little bit better maybe.

No idea.

I am so angry with the Government right now. The constant betrayal of we the people, the US has not been a democracy for a long time. The middle class has fallen and now those who were poor are a new level of underclass.

 

I am tired of being expendable. I am tired of someone else owning my shelter. I am just plain tired.

 

I am tired of shootings over food in my neighborhood, I am tired of the news not reporting the badness here. I am tired of that instinct that has been poking at me going “flee. Flee. You;’ll die here.”

I am tired of things like being poisoned by my damned apartment manager. No shitting. I am poisoned. I stay I die. Literal. I am tired of hanging by a thread. I cannot hold on when I am holding at the whims of other people.

I am tired of struggling. I know that will never stop but, I am furious. I already started packing boxes, until I found out that the first caregiver didn’t think to MOVE things (which I told her to do) before having people put my lift in the shed. No.. instead? The lift is held up  over glass by a litterbox.

I cannot get help to move it either because the new apartment manager, while not MEAN, is useless. He is always sick or hurt and NEVER can fix anything.

I am tired of having to go “Yeah, I need help again.”

I need help again. This is not the something coming I had hoped for. What I had been going to announce is fallen through. I had been starting a business with someone. Except, the US gov stopped THAT too. This someone cannot help me either, they got reamed as well.

What do I do? Its not like I can contact any agencies to help me, and I surely am not going to let myself loose everything again. I will never live in a house I do not own again.

A Cat, Asthma, and a 6 Mile Run

Friends, you are about to go “Kat! What the fuck did you just do!” In fact, you are going to have grey hairs over this one. Fair warning, this is a doozy.

 

Sylvani stopped breathing today at 3 pm. My response was first to massage his chest, which got him breathing again, grab the bag and go. Except I have no car, my carer is not allowed to take us to the vet and… its three and a half miles each way. On one of the busiest streets in my home town. There are no curb cuts, the few that exist aren’t legal. I tried one, with the added weight of Sylvani who is blatantly fat at the moment, we nearly flipped infront of a semi. So I went on the road. I lost a part to my chair, had two power outages, three random errors. I got lost too. I was about to call the vet when the vet called me, and helped me find my way. Hope, her real name because she is that awesome, is a receptionist. She made me feel better with Nymph, and she made sure Vani got the fastest treatment.

I spent an hour waiting, with periodic talks with the doctor. Vani was on Oxygen for a while, until he caught his breath. The vet was impressed with my sacrifice of my favorite Fedora to block the wind better than the closed off bit of the bag he was in. The thing is mostly mesh, so I had my coat on him. I was given a towel to keep incase of a future run.

They did a blood test to check for infection. No infection. He has Asthma. I knew this already but without the medication he was SOL unless we went. The problem is my vet is right behind a part of the road that triggers PTSD. Being near cars especially not outside them triggers PTSD.Loud sounds? PTSD. Utter terror my friends. I wept for the first ten minutes of my ride. I wanted to stop. I wanted to crawl into a hole.

Then, a thought struck me. Fear is like a very large box. Even empty it is awkward, gets in your way, and it is something you just don’t want to deal with. Would I lose Sylvani’s life because I was afraid? The tears stopped. I sang over and over “We’re going to die so you better live to make it worth it.” He was quiet. He only moved or coughed a bit when a semi, two diesel engines and some mean person who threatened to shoot me made noise. I just ignored it all, kept my chant.

During my waiting time while they treated Sylvani, who is going to be fine but I just need to get a rescue inhaler, a family wooed their puppy in. The dog was found walking down the same road I had raced down. They chose to keep her. Immediately this dog began to wonder around. The dog saw my chair and came, sitting at the right hand side, and looked at me expectantly. Now I did not pet strange dog due to my allergy but she moved around the chair with clear training. I told the family this.

We conversed, I distracted their son a bit when he was worried before they went in. His big fear was that they were going to steal his dog. They donated 200 dollars to my vet bill. Someone else recently gave the vet’s office an Aerokat, This is around 60 dollars. So though there was still a LOT to the vet bill, it wasn’t as horrible when I had to ask for help from M. Poor M, he has spent too much on my cats recently. They should both be fine now. If I had had the rescue inhaler for Sylvani he would not have had to go in.

He weights 15 pounds. Most of this in a month. This is a side effect of his asthma. So, once we get the medication sorted, we’ll be excercising him. At least ten minutes a day with the laser pointer.

He was just as quiet on the return trip, he is hiding. I am blogging.

 

I thought I would need to cry after. Nope. I am frazzled, windblown, sunburned, thirsty, and yet… I feel victorious. 3.5 miles both ways. It felt faster getting home which is always nice. I got lost only the once and that was reasonable since that is the PTSD Plaza (not the real name). Sylvani will be fine! I am fine! Sprite, despite being still sick will be fine! I am admittedly facing having to rehome them if the vet bills continue but the vet said Sylvani at the very least should need nothing further.

The Forgotten Degree

I am actually a college graduate. I FORGOT. I know the reasons I forgot are actually valid but I remembered this morning that I have a degree, and am torn between laughing and crying since. The crying is over other things but this just put me over the top. I am sick, my uterus is spewing puss now with the”period” stuffs. Yes I have an appointment. No it is not soon enough. I found out yesterday that an embolism isn’t better than a hysterectomy. The recent studies to check on the long term effects were quite scary. Embolization  almost always LEADS to hysterectomy, infection, or death.

 

I forgot I have a degree. I have to say brain damage on this one. That’s the why. I have an Associates in early Childhood development. This is how I was a TEACHER. Hello! We have found the plot hole and it wasn’t a hole after all. I have wondered for  years how I got that job. How did I manage to be a teacher with no degree? It seemed very weird. Today, I just remembered. Oh yes. Degree.

 

Still self educated, still lived hard. I just succeeded in one more area than I knew. One less life goal I failed at. It was one of the few, in fact. I tend to achieve my goals. I have always mourned no degree. I still want to go back to school but the world is not ready for that (really, just look at the current administration. They’d shut down the University or something.)

 

I have a degree. Its utterly useless to me and didn’t cure my disability or poverty. Woops. Silly propaganda.

Something is Coming….

Badoom….

 

Badooom….

 

The footsteps of greatness are echoing in the future.

 

Something is coming!

 

Badoom!

An Open Letter to the Current Administration:

Dear President Obama, Republicans, Democrats:

You have made me cry. This takes a lot of doing, over the years I have become quit the tough chick. I have endured years of abuse at the hands of my father, a veteran of the failed Vietnam Occupation. I have endured abuse at the hands of a medical establishment that seems to forget, just because my body is not strong as your body, I am still a person. I fought for an education that I am now too sickly to use, and I fought for housing and shelter. I fought and fought and yet, you reduce me to tears.

It is not the fault of the poor in this country that the US is in debt. This is your inept leadership. Past President Bush also is guilty, but the fact is not a one of you is poor. I was born in a condemned building, at home. I was born with health issues that went ignored and untreated over money.

You fight over medical care, yet other countries have full medical coverage and their people have far less disability and sickness. This is no cure all, because disability is actually something everyone, even the richest of the rich should expect. Disability has no preference for rich, poor, already abled, slightly sickly, a brilliant mind, or a below average one. Anyone can be disabled.

You waste money, while cutting spending to programs such as Medicaid, on wars that make more disabled persons. You cut education and have carved out the marrow of the United States of America. I read tonight that further cuts are expected for SSI, Medicaid, and now the Pell Grant. Just because your spoiled little children; and they are spoiled by the right of not hungering, not being homeless, and having an education beyond the mediocre and substandard versus the average world levels schooling in this country, do not have to fear over their college education does not mean this is the truth for MOST Americans.

There are no jobs. You sent them overseas. I did not go to school until I was an adult. I am self educated. Even I know the basics of supply, demand, and economic return. You took out ECONOMIC RETURN. We buy, we spend, and the money goes to China, Russia, Japan.

You borrow more. You cut funding to housing, You do not create MORE jobs.

Stop punishing the poor because you inept elitists cannot fathom what it is to hunger. It is not OUR fault YOU made this debt. You should all resign, at once. There may be chaos but perhaps some of the down trodden will finally get a chance to lead.

Yes, I am saying that I, a disabled, autistic, undereducated person with severe brain damage could do a better job than you.

Yours,

Kateryna AE Fury