Never Ends Tomorrow (Trigger Warning)

Never ends tomorrow, the little bird sang.
The girl was curious but turned away to the shadows.
The morning came.
The girl was dead.
The bird moved on it’s flying path.
Never ends tomorrow, the black bird cried.
The boy turned back to the shadows blood on his hands
The morning came
The boy was dead.
Never ends tomorrow, the raven screamed
The sun did not rise for the town
All were dead
Dead
Dead.
Never ends tomorrow.
Never ends tomorrow
Tomorrow comes today
The dawn brings blood and sorrow.
So on flew the raven, around the world.
It had grown up carrying this baleful message.
Never ends tomorrow.
Sorrow made the wings of the raven heavy
Sorrow made his voice coarse
Sorrow nearly silenced his warning
Then he saw below him one more to warn.
Never ends tomorrow, the little bird screamed.
The girl turned from the shadows.
She looked at the bird.
The bird stared at her.
Never ends tomorrow, the little bird sobbed.
The girl nodded and stepped out of the shadows.
The morning came.
But not yet was it tomorrow
The raven followed the girl
The girl danced in the sun
Morning came again and again
Her hair turned grey
Her eyes went dim
Never ended this morning
Not on someone else’s whim
Never ended when it was time
When she was grey and it was past the Raven Time
Never Ends Tomorrow.

Sirens made me cry. I felt for a moment that despair that I have worked so hard to shake. The despair came a day late? It only lasted a few moments but I cried. For that split second I wanted something, there are no words for the want. Perhaps there are, but I do not know them. I sit in silence, my tears shaking my world, and I hear the words that I whispered every year after that one.

Never Ends Tomorrow.

Each year I had meant to kill myself. This year, I mean to live. Perhaps this is the tomorrow, and never turns out to be a bad thing? I do not know. All I know is this, Never ends tomorrow so I am going to live and fight today. Tooth and nail, heart and claw.

A Time and a Place for Silence

I was trying to explain the blog to someone, and the subject of silence and abuse came up. I have seen several things, in my life that taught me that violence and abuse mean you must never talk about it. I still have trouble saying the word abuse outloud. However, this is not true. The victim’s silence often lets the abuse go on and on and on.

How dare I write these words? How dare I break the traditional silence of abuse? Do I have any idea what I am doing? Absolutely. These were not questions that my friend brought up, indeed he agrees that although there are times to be silent, this is not one of them.

Some of the hate mail I have received on this blog is unintelligible. Some of it is based in fear. Most of it is based in the need to put me in my place, to control me, to try and take away my voice and my power. I remember being told as a child, “Women are to be seen and not heard.” Not children but the female species. I too was assured by my abuser that no one would believe me. All of this horror that I faced? I thought I was alone.

That is why this is not the time or the place for silence. Silence when you are being abused is often deadly. You know those women who are beaten to death? Those rape statistics? Neither should happen. Silence lets them happen. I am sorry if this upsets you, oh wait… no I am not. The point of this blog is to set my people free.

Any person is one of my people. Skin color, intellect level, ability level, none of this matters. If you are alive, you are one of my people. I want to unlock things for you, I want to give you the life you deserve. If someone is hurting you, do not stay silent. Open your mouth, say it loud. If you are aware of abuse, or if a child comes to you and tells you they are being hurt. Believe them! It is not for you, unless you are the police, to investigate the crime. It is for you to believe the child and get them the help of the police who investigate.

Our world often teaches us that bad things only happen to bad people. Bad things can’t happen to you. This is a lie. So, I am breaking my silence to stop the lies. Silence gives your abuser power. Does this mean you have to write about your issues? Does this mean you have to open yourself up to personal attack and the sense of danger? No. It merely means you need to be honest with at least yourself, that yes, this really happened.

Not every survivor or victim of abuse can write or talk about what happened. Sometimes, those of us who can forget this and at times our words might be harsh. I am sorry for those times too.

Silence

Silence is not golden
Silence to that I am not beholden
Silence is a poison
Slowly seeping my life away
Each blow I am silent
I do not cry when it hurts
I am merely silent
Not seen
Not heard

I break the silence
It crashes loudly
I scream
I cry
I shout
I am free.
Life flows back into me.
I speak for my silent sisters
I speak for the silent children
I speak

You listen.
I speak
I sing
Let life flow out from me to thee.
Break the silence.
Break the cycle

This poem is dedicated to those who cannot yet speak out, those who never will, those who die from the silence, and those who survive, and speak up. This is dedicated to you my Sisters. My brothers. This is dedicated to the innocence lost daily. This is dedicated to even those who send me hate, fearing what I do.

This is not dedicated to those who want to take away my power. Those of you who tell me to stop writing because it is not my place? Find your own place and stick your head in it. This is my place. This is my purpose. This is my freedom.

This is not a time and a place for silence!

Brownies

Too often my writing focuses on difficult topics. I challenge myself to put out a call to action with every word. This is wearing at times and tonight, I decided I needed a treat. There is so little that I can actually eat, I miss things like bread. I miss the texture of it in my mouth, the flavour, but not the pain. I miss a lot, and at times my food allergies debilitate me. I am about to eat home made brownies. They won’t poison me either. Gluten Free brownies are among the best in the world. In some ways my gourmet back ground has helped me to adapt to my limited diet. Being allergic to vitamins I have to try and keep everything balanced. I also have need of more sugar than average to keep a normal reading. My system tests out normally but I eat a lot of sugar. I lost weight once I started giving in to the need for sweet. My sugars often come from fruit.

Not tonight though. Tonight, I dessert in Heaven. I am rarely able to cook, but, aside from taking them out of the oven I did the work. I felt the batter as it swirled beneath my wooden spoon, the crack of the egg sent a shudder of glee into my soul. I also know that my brownies will not be adulterated by a flavor blocking agent. Gluten Free chocolate is the best. Some of the most famous chocolate desserts lack wheat. There are crustless cheese cakes…

I do not feel limited now. I have licked the bowl clean, my Person just took the brownies out of the oven, and I can smell them. The cats are even dancing. They had their own food treats today. Miniature hamburgers. They both are special needs, and the treat made their day. They both curled up at my side until it was chocolate time, sharing in the glee of good food.

It is easy to forget to nourish our bodies with pleasure. Sometimes with food allergies it is difficult to find anything safe, and so bland rules the day. I rarely add spices to food, I hardly use salt, but, tonight? I will have spice and flavour.

Chocolate, my version of catnip. Special brownies for me are the kind I can eat. What is it that you do to reward yourself? Today was the most difficult day I have faced in a very long time, but right now I feel as if I am floating in a heavenly state. It isn’t the chocolate alone, but the sheer amount of love that pervades my home. I hear the soft and tinkling bells of heaven, I feel the song of life in my soul.

Have a brownie, have some life. Feel the love and pass the digital brownie plate on.

Happy International Women’s Day!

Today is International Women’s day. If you are in any way, shape, or form a woman. Happy day to you.

Womanhood
By Kateryna Fury

Woman hood.
Changes daily
Perspectives on
Faith, life, joy
Woman hood
Stagnates slowly
Burned up by the men
They fear
They punish
They take away
Woman hood

Stereotype of Female
by Kateryna Fury

Female Nature is to love
Female Nature is to nurture
Vagina is dirty
Menstration is bad
You must love every man you have ever had
You must not dress like a whore or frump
you must do the chores and not complain
Striken, beaten, battered too
Female nature is abused

I am Woman
By Kateryna Fury
I am woman
What is woman but a flower
Wilting under heat of sun?
So says man, So say I
What is man but a hammer
hitting the nails even after it is done
Sexuality confuses
Sexuality becomes deviant
I desire to touch
I desire to feel
No flower am I
I am woman
I am person
I am more than just what seems
I see the thousand worlds
I am potential
I am woman
I am love
I am joy
I am woman

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