I got a carer on Wednesday. I wanted to wait to be sure she would come back at least two days before I started to breathe again. The fact is this only happened because a politician got involved. Congresswoman Michelle Lujan Grisham’s staffers jumped onto this when one of the people linked realized that might work. I entered shut down a bit ago too and my brain feels like it has been smushed with a hammer repeatedly.

It isn’t really over. I find this a problem, but yesterday I had a visit from adult protective services where the employee tried to get my therapist’s name from me but only after I made it clear I am not done until we prevent this issue from ever happening again. She too told me how many other people were put into the same situation but assured me no one DIED. That is like waving a red cape in the face of an angry bull. That means this can be a class action suit but I am not sure if it is Medicaid, Bluecross or both that get sued. Somehow no one dying is supposed to make this okay. Somehow having a carer now means I am supposed to forget suffering, the still there infection in my flesh and my pain. Somehow that is the expectation.

I have been betrayed by the system meant to protect me. My carer is not supposed to help with the cats even until Bluecross finds the papers on Sprite being a service animal. This is not done. It is progress. Massive progress. I can maybe recuperate enough to get everything fixed that needs to be fixed. Yet it is not over. If it was over this would not be the obsessive priority of my stress numbed brain. I came close to dying too many times for this to be over. No one has said “We apologize for our colossal fuck up how can we make it up to you.” They have said, “Yeah so others were effected too, you don’t get to have anger.” I had many things destroyed including my lightsaber, my waredrobe, and even some of my bedding. I have no HAND TOWELS to dry my hands on when i wash them.

So we have progress. I am lawyer fishing after Monday. Monday is my first section 8 inspection so I find out if I need to move or not. The house is actually almost up to normal levels of clean, though I am still going to make it clear to the section 8 lady that I was on my own for months so she can write off some of the not quite cleaned things. In three days my house has been made beautiful. I will post video once we get the Gothmas decorations down.


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