I am awake (trigger warning continuation from Naked post)

I want to update things because I am alive. I am still kicking. The internet is a beautiful creation and I envision it much like the brain, each connection is a nueron, we are the sparks of chemicals that allow communication and thought. Yes I suppose this could make the internet sentient. This is too what gives the internet power. It is why there is a battle in the US to remove the freedom from the internet. It is why it is feared by politicians and why children must learn now censorship. Our mistakes and choices last forever. That said, i find I do not have fear or regret over my videos. I feel relief. There is a stigma about the internet and videos but the thing is this is not a sexy video meant for attention. it is a raw scream of anguish and that seems to characterize the response.

Do I want people to see it? I think I must allow for this because I uploaded it. That is the purpose. Words were not enough. Calls were not enough. My pain is not the only pain like this. I however have the power of the internet. This will end up filed under eldercare and abuse, but the key there is… I am not an elder. I think I can put a new face on what abuse is with in the health care industry too. I live in a state where the ER cannot necessarily help me.

So I made my videos, and while things are not as good as I want them this second that is an action of time. I may have care monday. We will see. There is a new agency at play in this and this one may be bringing their A game. I have food. Linn, a fellow disabled person coordinated food relief today. Rebecca, also a fellow disabled person coordinated other long term relief and a check in with the police. I have to say I have had a police officer make my bed which I find surreal but I could sleep as a result. Linn’s efforts got me some fluids and a pizza donated via pizza 9 based on my last orders. That is if I understood her correctly on that. If not donated either way I have food and she is amazing. They even added extra cheese. I find that a strange little thing amid all this chaos. Extra cheese.

My battle is not over and I suspect … okay I know I am going to sue these people, I have no choice. I must continue to push for myself and for the people who have no voice and no ability to throw down the gauntlet in this way and go “Care for me or else.” SO I will show my teeth. I am very tired but I do not feel isolated. I have mentioned this a few times. The power of the internet is you are never alone. The Net gets a bad rap for the trolls but they are a minority voice that shouts loudly.

So yes I want those videos seen and made viral. I want to change the perception of disability and ability and neglect. I think even if i fail at all that at least I have pizza and know that it is not hopeless.

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