A New Year Looms

So I have been not writing about things I want to, for personal safety reasons, which I know is reasonable. Yet I have been thinking about years past and future. I have been having interesting experiences. Gothmas, Christmas, Yule, and any other names people have for their winter holidays on or near the Solstice has passed. Channukah too. Kwanzaa is in full swing and I have found this year I am innundated with gifts. This is a contrast to other times when there was little.

I think back to each Christmas this time of year, then to each year I did nothing. I think to each experience before. I can say this is in the top five Winter Holiday Seasons. Yet I am feeling physically crappier than many years. My body has decided to feel like crap, rather constantly. I don’t know what I could do to fix it but, I am just trying to ride this one out. The regular periods are punishing and play a huge part. By the time I recover from the previous one, I am knocked back on my behind by the next. They are regular in as much as with in a given two month period my brain gets clogged with hormones and I can barely think through the pain. I then throw clots that I cannot get anyone who could help me to either find the source of the issue or properly treat them (cutting the uterus out is not proper treatment until we know WHY I am shooting clots) to take the bleeding and clotting seriously. Fist sized things are being pushed out of a hole I would like to keep not pushing things out of. I feel it. I am told I shouldn’t feel it but I do. This has sapped me.

I am also looking at transitions. A part of me is restless. I am still unsatisfied with the communication with my caregiving company and I am aware despite my carer’s best efforts of some behaviors that are unprofessional. I find out because I do call them, I do try to communicate with them. I even do it their way. They aren’t providing the gloves she needs for cleaning. This means, especially with an uptick of gushy bits which makes sanitary precautions a requirement, she is paying for gas and more. So despite what my case manager recommends I am looking at other places. I think as long as I can work with my current carer at least until I move out of this state, I will be fine transitioning to a new place and she and I work really well together, so benefiting her benefits me.

I am restless in other ways. I have begun to paint again, sort of. Not on the canvases I expected. I am repainting dolls, their furniture, and I am learning that I give an amazing Barbie haircut. The first of the salvaged dolls has been rehomed, my niece got her for her Winter Holiday Gift. In this discovering that I really like dolls a lot, I have also found that MGA , the maker of Bratz and a lot of other dolls, doesn’t like customers. I bought a “rare collectible” Bratz doll because I like dolls with red hair. I deboxed her due to my new rule, if I buy it I must use it not stare at it on my wall longingly. I am even working on opening some figures I have had for a while. I am failing on that scale. I get the scissors over the packing and start to cry. It hasn’t been so hard with the dolls, after the first few.

So this lovely Adri doll with her giant rats nest of unbrushable hair, her clothing that was torn before she was packaged and looked really worse than anything I could make, and her earrings had already lost just half of their paint. The rare collectible looked as bad as the Barbies from the Fleamarket I had gotten to salvage. So I called MGA. MGA made it clear they didn’t care. They sent me a random assortment of earrings, which don’t match the ones that my doll has. They refused to acknowledge the other issues and said to wash her hair.

I washed her hair, which on the next call I was told invalidates any help they would give me, and her hair was worse. This doll also looks like she is the daughter of a certain Chucky, despite her appearance in box. So, I was faced with a dilemma. The store wouldn’t take her back, because I lost the receipt, and she was/is very terrifying with her matted hair and giant head. Once she was wet she was so heavy her head almost came off of her little spindly body.After her hair dried I found it was worse. Far worse actually.MGA was willing to send me a new doll if I was willing to pay fourty dollars in shipping for a ten dollar doll. I hung up after stating to them that I was not going to buy another doll, and that their business practices surely cost them a great deal more than just a single customer.

So I did the sane thing when faced with a horrifying unreturnable doll. I got the scissors. Soon I will post pictures of the results but I cut all the doll’s hair that weren’t Monster High or my Becky the Barbie with a wheelchair. The Monster high and Becky dolls had no hair issues. I found I have a talent for doll hair styling as a result. The doll cast as the mad scientist also looks sane now, until you rub her along a convenient cat, then she can look electrified. Rub her hair along your hand and she looks nice again. I felt that she should pass for normal, like all horrible sociopaths in my life have managed.

In turn I also developed brand loyalty with Mattel. Yes, I do follow their illegal things and yet none of these doll companies have not done similar things. Mattel is a bit hysterical about the name Barbie, which is silly on some levels but on others… they think their doll is wholesome looking. This does make me laugh a bit but when I called them over my mispainted Draculaura doll, the same day as the MGA call, the treatment I received was radically different.

The same receipt applies for both dolls, Draculaura was sold out at the time/still is sold out. So I explained my situation, and with in seconds I was not put on hold but was told based on the mispaint and damage that I would be sent a replacement. No shipping charges. I have the doll and she is so much nicer than my first Draculaura. Yes, both were deboxed. I am pleased to say that Mattel has been nothing but polite, they treated me like a valued human, and since my Duece’s leg keeps wiggling I may ask them for a repair kit or somesuch for him. There are options even on their website, under customer service, for replacement forearms and hands if you lose your doll hands.

I wish I could write about the heavier things. As it stands, I am considering starting a new blog and attempting anonymity so that I can. I want to write about the things that are a punch in the gut. I also question my ability to remain anonymous. I fail at that rather grandly every other time I have attempted it. I am too much myself to pass for anyone else it seems.

I also will be writing about negligent doctors once my head clears and I fire my current one. She, like the carer agency, seems to think gloves should be just latex and that I should pay for them. Because who needs sanitation? (Me, I require it). She has more issues than this, and lets just say, she has achieved maximum fail status and will be removed from access. Then I can tell you all the “fun” dirt.

So as I sit here staring at a new year, I am left to wonder… in a year when I am sitting in the darkness mulling over the last year… what will I find? I know it can only get better. Each year has been almost always better than the last. I am facing a move across the country with in one to two years, I am looking at a romance I did not expect and I have found people will pay a lot of money for something I am good at. I am learning fast on the doll making business and I am finding a great outlet for the creativity I had thought was lost.

Old wounds are healed, newer wounds healing, and a year waits for me to step onto it. I imagine this is like fresh snow or a square of sand with nothing on it. Soft, imprintable, and it is all mine to create something beautiful with. I will try to write more in the next year, and if I still feel stifled, I will notify those I can about the new site and move on from there. Though I love this blog and am very attached to my name.

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2 Comments

  1. Happy new year Kat, I am *so* happy to hear from you! I hope the new year brings less pain, more sanitation, more love and a space where you don’t feel stifled.

    Love,
    J.

  2. So far most of these hopes are present, and I am glad too. I will be emailing you in a few days, as my brain drips down like water through a slow coffee pot without enough heat and the ideas form, anyway.


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