If You Love Me…

Love is something everyone struggles with. In Western society we are raised to believe there is an incompleteness without it. I am one of those people who figured out early on I don’t need anyone else. I also am person enough to admit that I do want someone else in my life at times. Yet I am considering the ramifications of disability and romance, at least for me.

1. Sex

Sex is challenging, and in order to not be trapped in bed as a fuck toy I am limited on how much sex I can have. Sure it sounds decadent, laying there waiting for someone to sexually use my body, bringing me pleasure again and again… The reality is I wouldn’t be happy being just sex, and so I am challenged by a sexless relationship overall. Once a month is pushing it for my body. There are tools to help combat this but this fact has lead me to the concept of an open relationship with a third party that brings both my main partner and myself pleasure. This is part of the bondage life style anyway, and I find extreme pleasure in ordering others to perform sex acts. I am a bit of a voyeur. Yet not everyone finds this concept as quaint as I do.

2. Food
With long term committments comes either living together for some people or eating together. The latter is extremely common and yet is equally challenging. To live with someone we need two kitchens because of course food is so damned difficult for me. I want to just go to my kitchen and grab a bite of something, in a shared kitchen I cannot even use the counterspace without difficulty. I don’t know that they build two kitchen one bedrooms. So, there is this spacial and social navigation. I have had many people feel unfulfilled in friendships, muchless romances, because I will not eat with them. I see this as a social grooming ritual, necessary for bonding but something that I for one am disabled from. My inability to consume food disables me.

3. Crowds, Concerts, Loud Places Etc
Huge hoardes of people mean I don’t go. I become mulish and will fight to stay in one place. A quiet refuge doesn’t exist in all areas and is something that you cannot always have. This keeps me in my home, my sanctuary. Yes I have my ways of dealing, but they aren’t always effective. Last minute dates, reservations, and concerts that get cancelled take a toll. Sometimes people don;’t want to invite you anymore because it is such a chore to include you with all your special needs. Which causes hurt feelings to say the least. Other times they think you are making up your disability for attention and then you must choose to try and be super cripple, force the issue, be cut off, or cut them off. With a romantic partner who wants to woo you? THis can be super challenging

4. Children
It turns out there are people I would have kids for, via adoption or surrogacy but children none the less. The right person will probably be okay without kids but there are people who do need children to be happy in life. Alas… they would be on their own with raising them to a degree, because I live in a glass bubble where no one can reach me, even these loved ones to a point are outside the bubble. There is always a something. Children who cry I hide from.

If you love me, you will take all this into account, and you will choose happiness for us both. Even if it means heart ache for the moment. If you love me, you will love you and we will find balance. Even if we have to build a palace with two kitchens.

Love is being happy, at peace, and is free of pain. The pain sometimes comes from choosing away from love or for self. Love is a twining path that leads through the mysteries of life. If you love me, you will love me.


1 Comment

  1. Great post Kat. Good to see you challenging ye olde norms of lurve again. Love should exist only as you define it, instead of a Hallmark card.

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