Disability and Homosexuality Intersectionality (Trigger Warning)

Oh god. I just saw it. It’s there. Christian bigotry has created an intersection of hate crime between disability and homosexuality. As a person who is gay I have only known hate for my being. I knew I was gay for certain at the age of three. I figured out this was bad according to my family but this was at that time of three when I made good choices and kept to them. You see, the minister that shamed me for having short hair was busy shaming a young boy for loving other boys.

“God does not love those who love other men.”

“This boy is going to HELL!”

I wanted to ask why. I had already learned to not ask questions in church. That always meant a beating and my mother crying about how evil I was. I just listened, and I wanted to run away.

“If God wanted man and man or woman and woman to love one another sexually he would have put it in the ten commandments.”

Fire and brimstone, pain and lies. I watched as this young man’s eyes lost their light. I watched his shoulders slump. I watched as self loathing began to grow. Yes, he was a sinner above all. His crime of kissing another boy meant that somehow he is worse than a child rapist, a murderer, a thief. His horrible crime of love…

I still don’t understand this. How can it be that love itself is a crime against god? That was the moment when I didn’t want to be a Christian anymore. That was the moment that I wondered if there was another god. That was the moment that my pantheon of gods began to gain another worshipper. I am faithful to what I believe but I do not believe that a church is a good thing. In fact I believe going to church is actually against the teachings of the Christian’s Jesus. I cannot tell you the exact book and verse of the bible but there is discussion in the new testament about how a building is not necessary for faith and that your body should be a temple for God. To me this always meant that you can practice your faith alone. As a loner, this appealed to me greatly. I am a solitary practitioner of my pagan faith.

I have seen all my life this same hatred, the same words, used for hating on the disabled. The entire reason that I do not like people praying for me comes from the following incident. I think I was four, maybe older. There was a new girl in school, I was attending a church based school. We had prayer time, we had confession time, and people were constantly shamed for their sins. Good ol’ christianity, the basis of racism, slut shaming, and every other social sickness seems to come from it.

There was a girl who was obviously different. Likely she saw me the same way. My father had already shouted down the schools attempts to point out that I was different. Maybe they would’ve tried to meet my needs but I don’t think so. She used crutches to walk, and held her head to one side. She didn’t speak clearly but she smiled a lot. The other kids threw rocks at her. The teachers just watched. When the girl threw a rock back she was sent to the principal’s office.

“It’s such a shame her mother cheated on her husband.”

I didn’t understand what any of that meant. I was just a baby. I would watch her, and try and befriend her but the teachers made sure that she had no friends. They would punish anyone who wanted to play with this girl.

“You don’t want god to hate you too!”

Over the years I have had people tell me that both my bisexuality and my disability are marks of punishment on my family, that I must have been a very bad person in a past life, and there are always the stories of how close they have come to being in a wheelchair but by the grace of god. My own mother makes certain to offer to pray for a magical cure for all of my disabilities.

When I learned that there is homosexuality with in other species, from birds to fish to goats, I began to accept myself a bit more. It’s been a life long struggle as the hatred that I have known means I am a mark against all of my family’s beliefs. Every word f hate against the disabled and the gays comes back to haunt me when I think of the teachings of my father. Keep in mind that the Nazis killed people for being disabled, gay, and pretty much anything you could be born with.

The Catholic Church and the other sects of Christianity didn’t really give a crap about this. There was open support for these crimes. Over and over I hear it. Somehow god loves me less than everyone else. To me this is as annoying as hearing how badly someone’s back aches because they slept funny. Those who whine about such things usually don’t like me much after. I will tell them “Really? My spine is partially severed and the bones in my back which will never heal are slowly cutting through it. I’m sure glad you think that your back ache matters and that I really want to hear about it!”

Those who push people to hate themselves over their sexuality are as beyond my comprehension. I sincerely doubt that if sexuality were a choice anyone would be gay. Instead people die every day either via murder or suicide from the amounts of hatred poured out over where people are born, how they are born, and I am tired of it.

I know that this same hate of how you are born can be pointed out for other things but today I want to comment on the hate of gays. A friend of mine is in mourning over the loss of someone close. We have lost another person to suicide because of the same people that hold up signs stating that god loves anyone that isn’t a white male peon to unfair privilege less.

I am tired of this idea that God has anything to do with disability, that it is karma. I am tired of disability and sexuality being seen as a mark against my family. I am not a PUNISHMENT. I am a person.

Advertisements

4 Comments

  1. Gay and bisexual people are oppressed and attacked by all of the major religions, and that is one of the things I really don’t like about them. My father, although not religious in any way, claimed it wasn’t natural, which I , like you, discovered is not true. I never could understand why gay men were attracted to other men, nor why a woman could be attracted to a man (but was very glad for it!), as all the violence I’ve experienced in my life came from men, but I found that I could relax around gay men like I can’t around straight men, even though I find all men gross.
    This post must have taken a lot for you to write, and so I applaud your strength to overcome the damage that others have tried to do to you. 🙂

  2. I agree completely. To preach for love and then say “but only the RIGHT kind of love!” is hypocrisy. To say that god loves everyone and then say, “but only if you’re the RIGHT kind of person” is hypocrisy, too. And I can’t stand hypocrites.

  3. I felt so much better after this post too. I just cannot fathom how only specific people can be loved. Sometimes this extends to the complicit disabled or gays. The ones who are willing to try and keep unfair privilege going by saying that this is all true. They are magically redeemed by self hatred in the eyes of the (censored)s.

  4. I will be honest, it took more to not cuss the entire time than to write it. I was in a passionate state of anger and pain based on someone else’s suffering. I basically couldn’t keep my mouth shut. This hatred of anyone that doesn’t fit with in this super narrow space by the church and their complicity in many murders is actually one of the biggest causes of the people I know in their quests for alternative religion or their choice to not have faith. Most of my friends and all of my friends with disabilities, and all but three of my friends who are not cisgendered or straight are all atheists, agnostics, or Pagans.

    The church claims that they are under attack by us constantly too, but if they really looked at it, most people wouldn’t question the God that they try and sell if the followers of said god didn’t say such stupid things such as “God loves me more than you, or you wouldn’t be disabled, fat, or female or gay!”

    I have a lot of gay friends simply because their lack of interest in my body removes a threat. Perhaps their lack of fitting into that narrow line of thinking helps you to identify with your homosexual friends because you don’t feel threatened by your association with heterosexuality and violence?


Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

  • Polls

  • Ye Olde Archives of Fury

  • Top Rated

  • Top Clicks

    • None