I should be doing something else

Right now I should be in bed resting. I should be recording some lines for an audition. I should be writing for my blogging buffer. I should be trying to make a graphic, because I need it to be done sometime last month. I am not. I was watching movies but got creeped out by famous people who got old. My brain just refused to reconcile. (Dune, if you were curious, The one where the desperate housewives dude was Paul Atreides and the story was not so well done… Sorry Mr. Lynch) I should be… but instead I am looking at the wheelchair that I am about to fight my insurance for. Yes, today was the evaluation.

I have been on cloud nine since the evaluator left. He is working on his medical doctorate, and unlike my first spin around he actually listened to my needs. When he entered he took one look at how I sit and said “You need a chair with tilt and recline abilities, and electric. You have pressure sores don’t you.” I felt sort of like a cartoon rodent, either a mouse or a bunny rabbit. I admitted it, and he asked why I don’t move enough, because it matters. I fall off the chair if I do, which is pretty good reason to curl and twist into the same shapes over and over. We had to do the measuring and such, he made sure i did not feel threatened, and took the time to talk to Sprite when she started cursing at him.

Last time we did this I fainted because the man, from another agency, didn’t bother seeing if my needs were met and went for a sale. This same agency ignored the lemon laws, my scooter has been defective since day one. This man, today, used to sell them and told me things about my defunct chair that I had no way of knowing, and he believes it was never sufficent because my needs are not static but obviously declining.

I have to see a physical therapist but his company has one that will come to my home. That is awesome yet disconcerting at the same time, I dislike people in my space after all. The conditions seem most appropriate to try for a new chair, though he did ask why the sudden sharp decline, so we had to go into some of my survival techniques such as moving heavy boxes so I would have dishes. He was a bit horrified when I moved and everything made the snapping sounds, which always amuses me.

It shouldn’t but, it is my normal and sounding like I am made out of popped corn seems to be a part of my entire life. I spent the rest of the day dreaming, after I found out the cost of the sunshade parts I need to replace for this new chair, I can actually afford that. I am avoiding worry over a copay, we will cross that bridge when we get there. We being me and the insurance company. I will find a way.

I even took the time to design a device to give me a little table, a cup holder, some space to hang a bag of stuffs, and a basket. I am considering not buying the Tasket Basket, as a 100 dollar basket seems ridiculous as (censoredy curse words) to me.

I dream that I can ride the bus, which is probably still just a dream but I have to try it. I dream of notbeing thirsty all the time. I dream of being able to sit outside because well, I can get there without falling on my face. I should worry over the money but today? I am going to wait. I will let the fears come so I can start my planning but for now if I worry it will be to my detriment. I have not let myself dream in a while.

a wheelchair with a modern looking sculpted rear tire, seating that is custom fitted to the body. It is red and black.

This is a picture of the chair, it has a seat lift so I can reach taller counters if I need to even. It is not as fast as the scooter but, I won’t be falling forward all the time, my muscles locking into place to keep me there with that nice urge to scream either. This chair gives me the chance to live again. I may return to some of my previous activities or I may find new ones. I can rehearse my lines outside, and the best part is I won’t have to choose to not bathe because I can only take a few steps. I can bathe and curl into myself without pain.

On a side note does anyone want a couch? Mine is going to find itself a new home once I get my chair. I don’t need it anymore! Whoohoo!

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