I don’t talk about my Autism all that much. I rarely notice it really. It’s who I am. I wouldn’t be me without it. I’d be some stranger who wanted to be Blond and would understand the point of Paris Hilton. No offense Paris, you confuse me.

I am tired of people suggesting I need to be cured. I hide my panic in public to the best of my ability, but of course ablism has already dehumanized me so people can crowd me, and I am the bad guy if they get in my face. I found the Autism Speaks Fail video extremely jarring and triggering. Yet again I am just not good enough to be human by the right of my birth.

Today we’re trying to trend the topic AutismSpeaksFail so please join in.

The video is googleable. I am bothered by it. The dreary music, the senseless words. The jokes that are following about how a cure is needed, and the serious responses to it about how a cure is needed.

I can’t believe half of the crap they post, but the rest of it is exactly what everyone has always said. I am Autistic but I live alone. I was married. I have been successful and I will be again.

If you ever watched the Stargate series you can see how it is. Autism is not some worm in the brain that needs to be removed, it doesn’t suppress me. I am not behind a wall, I am not unable to go to parties. I do. I also reserve the right to leave early when Nuerotypical people get weird, loud, and overwhelming. Or drunk…

I cannot comprehend any other way of being, and I am human. I am living. I am here. I am all grown up and no one has given me support for my Autism. I grew up with no diagnosis being beaten until I would pass out for daring to make any sound. My comfort and pain has never been acknowledged, and still cannot be. If I give in to my pain every time any NT people would, I would never stop screaming. Autism is. It just is.

Everything that has ever been created can be seen as bad and needing a cure. I do not need to be cured. I am sick and tired of other people on their whims deciding to cure me. The cures offered by the latest Autism speaks propaganda include voodoo. That is the same as me being raped in the name of someone else’s God because I am bad and it’s the only way to cure my sin.

I have the right to be angry about this. This misrepresentation, the others before it, it wastes support. It drains it away. It makes it all about the poor people that may have to deal with me. I have the right to get angry when a video meant to represent me states I cannot speak. I am eloquent when I choose to be, and they fail at eloquence in general. I have the right to scream so that all can hear. I am alive. I am here. I am told in the same breath to just shake my head and be quiet but I should fight for the support that I deserve. That is contradictory. If I deserve the support why do I have to fight for it? If I am to be quiet, this will not go away and that is not fighting.

Take your cure and go to your hell.


  1. **applause**

  2. I suffer from situational depression. One of my favorite thoughts I’ve had about this is… I was depressed because my life sucked, and I didn’t want a “cure” that made me feel better about my sucky life, I wanted to not have a sucky life.

    And (supposedly) I am Attention Deficit Disordered. This irritates the hell out me. Statistical scatter is not a disorder. How I pay attention is different then most people in the middle of the bell curve. That doesn’t mean I have a “disorder”. Again I say, statistical scatter is NOT a disorder.

  3. @ TruthWalker

    I always love your comments. Heck I love most comments but you tend to slice right to the core of the universal issue. The idea is that we with Autism suffer, but how can I suffer if I do not notice the issue? Sure sometimes I may want to or do have a fit, but doesn’t everyone? I have yet to see a NueroTypical person who is free from having fits, tantrums, or getting upset or overwhelmed. It’s a cop out.

    I also have ADD, and to me it is an aspect of how I think. My ability to see everything and notice everything is only a liability if I do not adapt my situation to it. The people in the middle of the bell curve are not luckier than you, more functional etc, they are merely average. Who wants to be average? I don’t think the bell curve is an accurate measurement anyway. It is merely another way to try and get people to fit with in the normal that people presume is better.

    If everyone were average we wouldn’t be free of caves yet. We wouldn’t be communicating now, and really, the majority of history would be gone. We would merely grunt along. It is those who see the alternatives and think differently that find, create, and teach.

  4. Since you gave me the nice complement about being to the point… I feel free to ramble.

    Interacting with normal people exhausts me, but interacting with “broken” people: survivors, victims, recovering addicts, etc. energize me. The thing that norms do that drives me crazy is their total inability to imagine. I have to explain EVERYTHING to them. With broken people I can just say what I think, but with norms if I say what I think, I just get weird looks or laughter.

    Imagine a world where the only pastry is bismarks, and you are trying to describe the idea of a doughnut. The broken people get it immediately, but the norms think you are just talking about bashing a hole in the middle of a bismark. You patiently explain that it’s NOT what-they-know-but-changed, it’s something wholly new, but they just refuse to get it, until you go through step, by step of the whole doughnut making process.

    I have no idea why exposure to emotional trauma would encourage the ability to think abstractly. Maybe abstract thinkers are just magnets for predators and thats why we have trauma.

  5. Everyone is welcome to ramble here and that is a perfect analogy for the experience. My neighbor is a schizophrenic and he says he loves me because I talk to him like he is a person. Well he is, seems logical to me. I think what others see as abstract is really a resistance to programming. Sorry if this offends any Christians but I feel the programming of my Christian upbringing daily. Why else is my value so lessened unless I was born evil? That’s what I was taught, the pain I have I deserve because I was born as a sinner.

    The pain I have is the product of neglect, abuse, and trauma. This is victim blaming at it’s most twisted. Of course I am writing this from a perspective of pain, but even some trauma victims, abuse victims etc who may qualify as broken by the above analogy and set of terms fall into these trained patterns meant to control us like choke collars on a dog. They strangle free will so that the thought of thinking for yourself is too painful, because that is where the sins hide.

    Even non Christians have this sort of programming because it is in our laws, our schools, our monetary system, and the media spews it like a toxin. Mother Teresa commited crimes against humanity and is a saint. I see this as the biggest proof that their bismarks are also full of crap and our donuts taste better.

    Mine has sprinkles.

  6. I am also tired of people saying my daughter & I SUFFER from autism. I don’t like that they say AFFECTED by autism. Autism is not a disease, cancer, or an infection it can’t be cured I wouldn’t want it cured. Sure I work at getting my daughter to speak but I’m not trying to cure her I’m trying to give her some kind of voice that is why I’m also having her use a picture symbol system. I support your view and to heck with Autism Speaks #AutismSpeaksFails

  7. Thank you Karen. It is nice to know I am supported. I just find the distortion and lack of insight ridiculous. I work with a woman who is a bit grating and heard her mention she has two Autie kids and how badly she wants a cure. I went and took some time away from her despite being her advocate, and then went back to work. Your words are a balm to a tired soul.

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