How To:Writing through Fear

I have been receiving emails about the blog lately, and a few comments commending me for being able to write the articles about my life and survival. At first I was confused about why, until I had a conversation with my mother about trauma and communication. I always thought she had written similar things, shared them with people. I knew she tried.

What I did not know is she stopped herself from writing and sharing. It hurt too much the first time, there was too much vulnerability involved and the fear of a personal attack based on the information that she shared? That over powered her and sent her running away. I feel that fear every time I start to write about anything.

J.A. Konrath a mystery author actually helped me. I decided to send him an email one night, I needed to write. My head felt as if it would explode if I did not create something. I couldn’t make myself push the words out. His advice was not meant to be taken literally, at least that is my interpretation. “Go get a drink.” I started to giggle, trying to figure it out. I decided to drink some soda and in my laughter, my terror faded long enough for the first word. I will finish my novel eventually, probably with in the year. I will start another, and another.

To write through the fear, you must find a way to start. Each time you write something, it gets easier and easier to form the words despite the fear. When you fear the contents of your vision or the idea itself, the method is the same. When I write about the horrible abuse, I do it for two reasons. Someone else needs to know that this sort of thing happens and that they are not alone, and those who are not victims/survivors need to know this happens so that they become aware and can protect and serve. That is what I focus on for my first three or four sentences, sometimes I have to chant it after every single word.

I am fairly certain that for most people, such a key exists. I have not shared every article that I have written. The fear remains too great for some of it, other bits are too personal, and some cause me a pain that I am not ready to bear. After I publish each post or send off a bit of writing to an editor, I face the fear of recrimination. I face the fear that someone will attack me.

This is true, there have been a few flames sent my way. If I cannot remove the curse words and keep their message clear, I delete it. I decided this blog is going to be a zone free of cussing. I rarely curse myself, and find that it removes clarify from the message. I will enforce this. Sometimes, you might read my replies to attackers or those who are angry at me for writing. I often do want to cuss. Instead I use the word power.

I finally received a flame that was able to pass my basic “Can I make this appropriate enough for all audiences” test, and therefore you can find one nasty comment on this blog. How am I handling these attacks? Surprisingly, despite the recurring fear of the attack, I am usually amused by them. I do not quite get it, but, I take the attack as a badge of honor in a way. If I am angering abusers, then I must be right. If I am worthy of that attention, then those who are either quiet or post positive are valued ten times as much.

Rejection is never easy for any author, but, I have had rejections for my writing offline. Online the response is just about the same. I hope this helps answer some of those questions, if not? Just keep asking and I will keep trying to make it clear.

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