You are a Fighter!

I have a list of ailments and challenges, and in one of my conversations someone told me I am a hell of a fighter. I am not. I just have to work to have a life. That is one of the things that got me to take pain medication. I had no quality of life. This is where I get frustrated by things like the Teri Chaivo story, people want to prolong the lives of those with no hope of quality, and that is fine, but, to blatantly torture someone is not, and where is that line? Personally, I am not certain, though I wish it was clearer for me. Do I want to live forever on tubes if I am really dead? Absolutely not. However, what if the doctors are wrong? Does that make me a suicide or forcing someone I love into Murder?

The moral lines are very murky. Morality itself is questionable, as who sets the moral compass for others? Does my doctor share my own Morality? How can I know? Asking is considered politically incorrect. Do I want to know if they do not agree with me? The odds are that they do not. My religion is not up for debate, and neither is theirs, yet, religion is what is often cited as a moral compass.

What does it take to truly be a fighter? I do not think I really am one. I know that I have to army crawl through life, but, doesn’t everyone? How can I say that my multiple disabilities make me a better fighter than someone who I percieve as perfectly healthy. There are hidden disabilities out there, some of which might even be up for debate via personal interpretation. There are people who see me in my wheelchair and do not comprehend me as an intelligent being, and others that presume every disabled person is just a faker.

Yes, I fight daily, but, it is a personal struggle. This doesn’t make me a fighter, it merely makes me human. To be seen as a fighter might be an honor, one I am not sure I want. I just want to be alive. I want a life free of discrimination, and I want to remain who I am. I would not be me, without my challenges, and therefore if I am a fighter, it is merely the nature of the beast.

People often claim to fight diseases, another thing brought to mind whenever someone tells me I am a strong person or a fighter. I have even used the words myself, for other people. I have an aunt who has had Cancer for longer than I have been alive. She endures, she fights, she struggles. She is also gentle and I never see her as the warrior archetype. I see her as the almighty Mother, iconography aside I do not see her as a fighter. Perhaps it is because of my youth. Perhaps it is because she is a private person, hiding her pain most of the time. Does claiming you can fight an incurable disease make you a fighter? Does enduring it give you the title?

Is there a better term? I admit that survivor is appealing, though when you are in the thick of surviving it doesn’t apply. Maybe, I just want to be told “Oh, hey, you are a person.” Maybe I am a fighter, but, I just don’t see it.This doesn’t mean I do not get tired, it doesn’t mean I do not fight for my rights, it merely means, I see myself as a writer, a cat owner, a cat ownee, and even a friend, before I see myself as a fighter.

Are you a fighter? What does it mean to you to be a fighter?



Leave a comment

No comments yet.

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

  • Polls

  • Ye Olde Archives of Fury

  • Top Rated

  • Top Clicks

    • None