Looking Back

Sometimes I wonder how I reached the point I am at in life. I have few friends but those I have I value. I have recently shed myself of people who I once considered friends and in retrospect I question why I ever thought this. I logically understand the why, it was a step on [...]

I AM More Important Than Your History

Random thoughts as I woke up this morning, and began my daily motions crept into my head. I have been thinking about the acecssibility of my city, or the lack there of. The excuse I am given in new buildings is that the sticker on the door should be enough. Some places obviously tried and [...]

Pandora’s Dollhouse (Trigger Warning)

I recently learned I have to play as an adult. There is a drive to create with in me that has always been there, and I think this is my inner child trying to escape. In the last month, which on some levels feels like more than a life time and on others barely any [...]

Porcupine and the City

I am sitting up late tonight, because I hurt and don’t want to go to bed yet. I am having the PTSD tingles. I also am feeling some annoyance at my feelings. I am liking Hello Kitty objects, some Barbies are “cool!” and I want them. Dolls in general. My world is a topsy turvy [...]

Apocalypse Now (Trigger Warning)

I am a survivor, as should be well documented by my propensity to not die when people tell me to. I spent a good portion of every day, without consciously realizing it, assessing my surroundings for survival. This is not as bad as it used to be, but even so the moment I had extra [...]

Pumpkin Pie (Trigger Warning)

Pumpkin pie, soft, creamy, and since mine is crustless just a wad of soothing and cold chewiness. The scent trickles into my mouth to tease at me, and is the only Thanksgiving day food I can eat without becoming ill. Mashed potatoes are also fine but must be different than the recipes from my family [...]

Archeology of Truth (Trigger Warning)

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. THAT DAY. I have had the entire month until today with barely a tickle of my usual PTSD. I’ve had blatant fun. I am a bit fogged and distracted as I write this, drowning my sorrows in mental crap such as bad disney movies, not that there are good ones, kitty snugs, [...]

In Between the Pink…

There she sits, in between the glitz and supposed glamour of Barbie Doll. On the pink Aisle, if in stock. The most popular doll in the Christmas Season. An Autistic Zombie! Yes, you did read that correctly, that link is a flash page though when it loads on my slow to load computer, the meta [...]

The Little Things That Matter

I have skipped napping today, and I feel pretty good. I tried something new this year. I broke all my rules about November. I wondered for a moment if they were really making things worse, these rituals that are dedicated to surviving the mental pain. The answer was no, and yes. There was nothing that [...]

Off Switch (Trigger Warning)

I am rolling through a house, looking up a flight of stairs when a friend of mine is shoved through the wall, I had not seen them in the hall but the wiring of the house has entered them, turning them into a macabre marionette. I feel the loss as I wake, and it takes [...]